Previously titled: Boys Let Me Help You Out.

It has come to my attention recently, again, that there is a husband out there that said to his buddy, “I am so glad my wife doesn’t like flowers.”

Ah. Stab me in the heart.

Even typing this makes me shutter.  But there’s more.  I can’t even start on Mother’s Day and those husbands/baby dad..? (I typed that a couple times, not sure what Webster has to say about baby daddy…is it daddies, or daddys) that feel they don’t need to celebrate the mother of their children.  I mean. I. Can’t. Even.  There may be a very emotionally charge blog post coming soon.

I digress.  I felt it was necessary to put this post out there again.  Clearly my pursuit of ‘flowers for all’ has failed.  Honestly, this kills me…you’ll see why.

And, there may be a whole new post about the above topic.

{BTW, I am going to spend some hard-earned money promoting this socially to only men in my local area.  Every single girl I know knows a man in her life that needs this information; brother, dads, husbands, boyfriends, sons, friends.  Share away.  It’s a pandemic.  Want to know the difference between that and and epidemic?  I took out the step of googling it for you:

Epidemic: An outbreak of disease that attacks many peoples at about the same time and may spread through one or several communities. Pandemic: When an epidemic spreads throughout the world.  You can thank me later.}

Also, if you are friend of mine and you say to your boyfriend, husband or father that “flowers are a waste of money”, we can no longer be friends.  Unless you have a good excuse…see below.

This post is only for the boys.  Girls, do not read this.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret.  Girls love flowers.

Unless they have a legit allergy or some painful childhood memory (which if they do, I have to hear it), girls do actually LOVE flowers.  If you have ever heard a girlfriend or your newlywed say, “Oh, honey, you don’t ever have to buy me flowers, they just die anyway.  It’s a waste of money” they’re lying.  How do I know this?   Because once upon a time, I was THAT girl.  Trying to impress THAT boy with my high-cool, low-maintenance attitude.  However, what these girls don’t tell you, and I will, is that if you aren’t going to get flowers, you better get something…anything, to replace the sentiment.  Did you know that?  No flowers, but jewelry would be nice.  Or, a massage.  Or, a complete and total spa day.

But, sadly, what actually happens on occasions that typically call for flowers; birthdays, anniversaries, jobs well done, get well soon and, perhaps the most sought-after, just because I love you, nothing happens.  Like, nothing.  No jewelry, no gift cards, no card.  Nada.  And, it’s not really your fault.  You are just trying to follow the one rule…listen to the girl: no flowers.

But, here’s the deal.  As time marches on, that girl, perhaps she has become your wife and/or the mother of your children, secretly hopes you break the rule…just this once.  (Be careful you don’t go breaking a bunch of other rules.)  She hopes that fresh flowers miraculously show up at her workplace or on her doorstep from that boy.  BUT, because she said THAT ONE THING so many years ago, that boy holds on to IT for a lifetime.  And, all of a sudden, in a fit of frustration one day, she says through tears perhaps, “YOU NEVER EVEN SEND ME FLOWERS!”  And, you’re all like, “you said you didn’t want them.”  Again, how do I know this?*

Help me help you.  I challenge any boy to send flowers to your girl, the one who said IT so long ago.  See what happens.  I don’t even care if you get them from me, buy local first, then just get them.   (If you live far away, find a local flower farmer, they’re everywhere; I am sure they will help you).

If you come home and she throws them at you and you have to sleep on the couch because you bought her flowers, I will issue a full refund AND you can tell me I am wrong (which will be the part that really chaps me).  BUT.  (Girls, stop reading here.)

*Do you really want to know how I know this?  I didn’t get flowers that often.  I got a flower farm.  Send her flowers…it’s way cheaper.  Trust Dale.

Girls, I know you cheated and read this.  Figure out a way for the man in your life to see it.  Share it.  Tag him.  Print it and put it on the toilet seat.   It doesn’t really matter if it’s a surprise.  The thought is the same and the alternative is you don’t get flowers.